LOS ANGELES, CA - A Pennsylvania man has been accused of stealing a brain after, said brain, was found beneath a porch, where it was kept inside a Walmart shopping bag. It even had a name: “Freddy.”
Police say the name was given to the brain by Joshua Lee Long, who is already incarcerated by Cumberland County in connection with a string of burglaries in Pennsylvania, according to the Sentinel. Cumberland County Coroner Charley Hall has confirmed the brain as belonging to an adult human.
“At this point now, we’re just trying to figure out where it came from,” he said. “We’re hoping that if anyone feels like they’re missing a human specimen brain, bring it to our attention and maybe we could return it to its rightful owner.”
So the real question is, why did he steal the brain in the first place? Well it turns out he used it to get high! Of course he did, did we really think these to be the actions of a sober man?
Trooper John Boardman, an investigator involved in the case, wrote in court documents, ““The defendant related that he knew it was illegal to have the brain and that he and [another man] would spray the embalming fluid on ‘weed’ to get high.”
While authorities may have encountered formaldehyde-laced marijuana before, using a dead person’s brain for drug purposes shocked some investigators.
So if you or someone you know has lost your brain, please let the authorities know. Oh what a time to be alive.