LEONARDTOWN, Md. - In a heartbreaking post on Facebook, the mother of a 4-year-old boy lost to cancer opens up about the reality and pain of living without her son.
Ruth Scully lost her son, Nolan, in February of this year to Rhabdomyosarcoma - a type of cancer that develops in the tissues and bones.
Nolan was diagnosed in 2015 after originally having trouble breathing from what the family thought was just a stuffy nose.
Two months after his death, Ruth wrote about her feelings in an emotional Facebook post.
"Two months. Two months since I've held you in my arms, heard how much you loved me, kissed those sweetie "pie" lips. Two months since we've snuggled. Two months of pure absolute Hell," she wrote.
She also shared the conversation she had with her son after finding out from his doctors that the cancer was no longer treatable.
Me: Poot, it hurts to breathe doesn't it?
Nolan: Weeeelll.... yeah.
Me: You're in a lot of pain aren't you baby?
Nolan: (looking down) Yeah.
Me: Poot, this Cancer stuff sucks. You don't have to fight anymore.
Nolan: (Pure Happiness) I DONT??!! But I will for you Mommy!!
Me: No Poot!! Is that what you have been doing?? Fighting for Mommy??
Nolan: Well DUH!!
Me: Nolan Ray, what is Mommy's job?
Nolan: To keep me SAFE! (With a big grin)
Me: Honey ... I can't do that anymore here. The only way I can keep you safe is in Heaven. (My heart shattering)
Nolan: Sooooo I'll just go to Heaven and play until you get there! You'll come right?
Me: Absolutely!! You can't get rid of Mommy that easy!!
Nolan: Thank you Mommy!!! I'll go play with Hunter and Brylee and Henry!!
Ruth said that during his last day, she left his side only for a moment to shower. When she returned to his bedside, doctors said he had slipped off into a coma.
"When I opened the bathroom door, his Team was surrounding his bed and every head turned and looked at me with tears in their eyes. They said "Ruth, he's in a deep sleep. He can't feel anything". His respirations were extremely labored, his right lung had collapsed and his oxygen dropped."
"I ran and jumped into bed with him and put my hand on the right side of his face. Then a miracle that I will never forget happened...."
"My angel took a breath, opened his eyes, smiled at me and said "I Love You Mommy", turned his head towards me and at 11:54 pm Sgt. Rollin Nolan Scully passed away as I was singing "You are My Sunshine" in his ear."
In her post, Ruth added a heartbreaking picture of Nolan who was curled up on a rug on the bathroom floor while she showered.
"My son was terrified to leave my side, even as I showered," she said. "Now I'm the one terrified to shower. With nothing but an empty shower rug now where once a beautiful perfect little boy laid waiting for his Mommy."